Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
This is not my ceiling
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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