Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
