Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I don't think brook has ever known best
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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