Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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