what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
