Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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