he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
