I love black thongs
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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