there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
