I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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