Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
