When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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