holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize