it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just sent this text using only my big toe
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
