I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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