She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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