I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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