I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
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i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex