3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone