Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(937): View more from Ohio

the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest

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(937): the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest http://tfl.nu/2mrs

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(856): View more from New Jersey

she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done

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(856): she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done http://tfl.nu/rbbz

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.

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(612): I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical. http://tfl.nu/d9c8

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(530): View more from California

i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something

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(530): i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something http://tfl.nu/obfg

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(703): View more from Virginia

..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making

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(703): ..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making http://tfl.nu/m2re

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(208): View more from Idaho

i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.

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(208): i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home. http://tfl.nu/7itp

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(530): View more from California

I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.

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(530): I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me. http://tfl.nu/jc9x

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(509): View more from Washington

Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...

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(509): Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place... http://tfl.nu/dgik

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.

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(304): Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened. http://tfl.nu/gr90

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex

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(270): Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex http://tfl.nu/j5jn

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(478): View more from Georgia

So. How about you can get tequila certified...

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(478): So. How about you can get tequila certified... http://tfl.nu/1yln

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(519): View more from Ontario

Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning

(416): View more from Toronto

Thats for me to know and you to find out.

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(519): Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning (416): Thats for me to know and you to find out. http://tfl.nu/ors0

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(248): View more from Michigan

I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo

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(248): I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo http://tfl.nu/bfzl

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown

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(+44): We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown http://tfl.nu/o3v8

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD

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(724): Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD http://tfl.nu/rhmm

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