My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
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This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
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My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.