SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.