Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
