I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
