So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
