Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
