Porn is love you can see.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize