I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
COCAINE IS GR8
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
