i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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