Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
