does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm passing your future prison.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
