ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
