he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
