Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
