Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
