plz talk dirty to me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
