omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize