Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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