My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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