Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize