you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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