So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
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theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
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Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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