I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
