She said her name was "party"
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
