i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You're a disaster
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