his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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