like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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