youre lurking in front of me
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
