She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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