I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
