When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
