I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
