P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
