He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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