She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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