on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
