I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
