Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just high enough for therapy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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