I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
