What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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