I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
