I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
