We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
