Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
