Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
