What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
