wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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