went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
