We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
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Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
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Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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