He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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