All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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