I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
