I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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