you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
