So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
