your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
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We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize