drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
These tits shall not be calmed
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
