Yo dont text me then not text me
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
