You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
