Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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